Wanted : Fast bowler
Tall, handsome fast bowler with long hair. Should be able to bowl toe crushing yorkers and sharp bouncers. Prior bowling experience not required but should be prepared to become the bowling speerhead immediately on selection. Candidates should be prepared for the following tests
1) Strip search: Please avoid any kind of powders on your person. Please discontinue any medication which one might be taking till now (although its probably too late).Please declare your weapons before search.
Tests conducted by :- Professor Zakir Khan (Whose cousin knows a gardner working for a WADA care taker)
2) Speed gun test: Candidate needs to bowl at least one delivery above 90mph in the presence of a speedgun. Line, length no bar as long as the gun clocks above or equal to 90mph
P.S : Reliability of speedgun not gauranteed. Bring your own balls (Tape ball not allowed).
Tests conducted by :- Professor Mohammad Sami
3) Action test:Candidates actions will be tested by reliable Professors. Those with hyperextensions need to carry proof of the same signed duly by the doctor/hakeem/witch doctor.
Report to Sohaib Aktar for this test. The name of the hospital will be informed the day before the test is scheduled
Wanted : Reliable opener
Agressive opening batsman (like Sehwag) needed urgently for country duties. Should be able to dominate (like Sehwag), hit sixes (like Sehwag) and build up long innings (Like Sehwag). Techinicaly correct (like Sehwag) players will be preferred.
Wanted : Middle order batsman
Someone to take over the mantle of Mohammad Yousuf who would like to retire to play ICL. Length of beard will be noted.
P.S. If the Mohammad Yousuf look alike is reading this, if you can hold a bat, we would prefer you and no one can notice Yousuf''s absence. We will make sure the ICL and our matches dont take place on the same days.
Wanted : Beastly all rounder
Do you hit sixes at will in tape ball contests? Do you close your eyes while swinging? Have you made the fatsest 30, or 20 or even 10 ever? Does captain let you bowl when he has run out of options? Here's your chance to have a big fan following!
P.S: Candidates must be proof from black magic.
Wanted : Captain
Do your bosses blame you for anything that goes wrong? Is it true that, in meetings, the only times heads turn towards you are when the word incompetent is mentioned? Are you the fall guy, the blame man, the apologist? Here is a chance for you to make it to the big leagues. Apply now before constant criticism reforms you.
A 'chit' box
A box big enough for holding at least 325 chits, each of dimension 6'' by 4''. This will be used to pull out names of captains before each series. Box should have a backdoor to remove the name of players who retired or were banned. We are tired of using 'Eeny, meeny, miny, moe'
and 'spin the bottle'
method of chosing captains
Make up man
Should be effecient in applying green lipsticks and sun blocks. Required for Akmal and Aamer. Pathans need not apply, they are children for God's sake!
Hardly used, in mint condition. Mostly used for handling hot teas and samosas
Brand new, except on the edges which has been used for hitting beastly sixes. Good bargain
Izaj Butt : Box no 420,Lahore